Return of the Living Dead III (1993)
★ — Return of the Living Dead III (1993)
Nobody asked for Romeo and Juliet with zombies. Nobody. And yet here we are, staring down Return of the Living Dead III, a film that looked at a perfectly serviceable horror franchise and decided the missing ingredient was a doomed teenage romance. It was not.
Let me be straight with you: this is a bad film. Not bad in the enjoyable, chaotic, throw-it-on-at-midnight way that a lot of horror sequels manage to be. Bad in the way that makes you check how much time is left on the runtime and feel genuinely put-upon when the answer is "still loads." It's the kind of bad that's boring, which is the worst kind of bad a zombie film can possibly be.
The setup, stripped back to its bones, is this: a lad brings his girlfriend back from the dead using some military resurrection nonsense, and she starts transforming into a clawed, spike-covered horror show. So far, so potentially interesting. But rather than leaning into the carnage, the gore, the chaos, anything resembling fun, the film decides it wants to make you feel sad about their relationship. It wants pathos. It wants you to mourn this couple. Meanwhile, she's screaming like a stabbed pig and growing spikes out of her skull at random intervals, and I'm supposed to be moved?
The body horror is genuinely strange, and not in a creative way. It feels disconnected from any real logic or theme, like someone threw a load of practical effects at the wall and hoped the emotion of the script would tie it all together. The script does not tie it all together. The script is a mess of awkward dialogue delivered by actors who seem as confused about what kind of film they're making as I was watching it. Is it horror? Is it tragedy? Is it romance? It's none of them, and it's all of them, and the combination is a disaster.
There's no fun here. That's what kills me most about it. The original Return of the Living Dead had energy, humour, a punk spirit that made it genuinely entertaining. This sequel has none of that. It substitutes charm for grimness, and then can't even commit to the grimness properly. The finale arrives like it thinks it's earned some kind of emotional gut punch. It hasn't. It's laughable, and not in the good way.
I've seen body horror done with genuine imagination and purpose. Tiger Stripes (2023) uses physical transformation to say something real and uncomfortable about identity and womanhood. This film uses physical transformation to... make a bloke sad about his girlfriend. That's it. That's the whole project.
A one-star film if ever I've sat through one. An ass movie, as I said on Letterboxd, and I stand by every word of it. Some sequels outstay their welcome. This one never deserved the invite in the first place.
One star.
Rating: ★ | Year: 1993 | Watched: 2025-07-20
Where to watch
Watch in the UK
Stream: Lionsgate+ Amazon Channel
Rent: Apple TV Store · Amazon Video · Sky Store
Buy: Apple TV Store · Amazon Video · Sky Store
Physical: Amazon UK · Zavvi
Watch in the US
Stream: MovieSphere+ Amazon Channel
Rent: Amazon Video · Apple TV Store · Google Play Movies · YouTube
Buy: Amazon Video · Apple TV Store · Google Play Movies · YouTube
Physical: Amazon US
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More from Japan: Mononoke the Movie: The Phantom in the Rain (2024) · Mononoke the Movie: Chapter II - The Ashes of Rage (2025) · Blue (1993) · The Ghost of Yotsuya (1959)
More from the 1990s: Lessons of Darkness (1992) · Shinjuku Boys (1995) · Blue (1993) · Cemetery Man (1994)
More horror: Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956) · Viy (1967) · Nightmare City (1980) · Angst (1983)
More romance: The Eagle (1925) · The Last Picture Show (1971) · The General (1926) · The Docks of New York (1928)
