Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones (2002)
★★★½ — Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones (2002)
You know what? Give me the sand. Give me all of it. Because at least "I don't like sand" is memorable, and memorable is something Attack of the Clones almost entirely fails to be. Of the three prequel films, this is the one that just sort of... happens. You sit through it, it ends, and you're left wondering what exactly you were supposed to feel.
The romance between Anakin and Padmé is the biggest problem, and it's a significant one, because the whole trajectory of the prequel trilogy depends on you buying into it. You need to believe this is a love so consuming, so desperate, that a man would tear the galaxy apart to preserve it. Instead, what we get is some of the most awkwardly written and stiffly performed courtship in blockbuster history. The dialogue is clunky to the point of parody, the chemistry is nonexistent, and the infamous sand monologue has become shorthand for a very particular kind of cinematic failure. It's not even charmingly bad. It's just... bad.
And the frustrating thing is, the prequel trilogy isn't without its strengths on either side of this film. As I wrote in my review of Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (1999), that film has its moments despite its reputation, and Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (2005) actually lands the emotional gut-punches it's aiming for. Attack of the Clones sits between them like a soggy middle chapter that can't quite commit to anything. The political intrigue around the Separatists and the Senate should be gripping, or at least functional. It's neither. It plods along, scene after scene, asking you to care about machinations that the film itself doesn't seem particularly excited about.
The action is largely a let-down too, which feels like it shouldn't be possible in a Star Wars film. There's a chase sequence early on that has its moments, and the Geonosis battle in the third act finally wakes things up, delivering the kind of large-scale chaos that reminds you why you showed up. But getting there takes an awful long time, and an awful lot of patience. Even the lightsaber work, which should be the easiest thing in the world to make exciting, feels strangely flat for long stretches.
Credit where it's genuinely due, though: Ewan McGregor is fantastic as Obi-Wan Kenobi. He's the one performer who seems to have fully figured out how to exist in this world, bringing warmth, wit and a grounded quality that makes his scenes the most watchable in the film. His investigative thread, tracking a mysterious clone army and an assassin's origins, is far more engaging than anything happening in the romance. Whenever the film follows him, it breathes a little easier. The visual ambition is real as well. The production design across various planets is genuinely impressive, and some of the imagery has stuck around in the cultural memory, even if the story around it hasn't.
But you can't carry a two-plus-hour blockbuster on one strong performance and some handsome scenery. Attack of the Clones is bloated where it should be lean, inert where it should crackle, and curiously joyless for a film set in a universe that, at its best, makes you feel like a kid again. Compare it to Star Wars (1977) and the distance between them is almost vertiginous. That film moves. It has momentum and charm and a sense of genuine adventure. This one shuffles.
It's not unwatchable. There are flashes of something better, and completionists like me will sit through it because the saga demands it. But of everything the prequel trilogy offers, this is the chapter I'd happily skip on a rewatch. Outside of a handful of moments and McGregor doing his level best, it's a meandering, forgettable detour.
Two and a half stars.
Rating: ★★★½ | Year: 2002 | Watched: 2002-12-04
Where to watch
Watch in the UK
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Related on Movies With Macca
More from George Lucas: American Graffiti (1973) · Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (1999) · Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (2005) · Star Wars (1977)
More with Hayden Christensen: Jumper (2008) · Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (2005)
More from the 2000s: Kirikou and the Wild Beasts (2005) · Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) · Daredevil (2003) · Apocalypto (2006)
More adventure: Alice in Wonderland (1951) · The Eagle (1925) · Louisiana Story (1948) · The General (1926)
More action: A Better Tomorrow (1986) · The General (1926) · Hand of Death (1976) · Daredevil (2003)
