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Eenie Meanie (2025)

★½ — Eenie Meanie (2025)

Eenie Meanie marks the feature debut of Shawn Simmons, a director previously known for short-form work, arriving under the 20th Century Studios banner with a reported $50 million budget, a considerable vote of confidence for a first-time feature filmmaker. Samara Weaving, the Australian actress who broke through in the horror-comedy Ready or Not (2019) and has since worked steadily across genre pictures, takes the lead here alongside Karl Glusman and veteran character actor Andy Garcia. The film sits within a modest but persistent tradition of female-led crime thrillers, its premise owing something to the post-Fast and Furious appetite for street-level car culture stories, though its tone and marketing positioned it closer to a psychological thriller than an out-and-out action picture.

Eenie Meanie is a baffling, poorly made film that somehow wastes Samara Weaving, a talented actress who deserves so much better. From the title and the vague marketing, I thought this might be a trashy, fun car chase thriller, something wild, pulpy, maybe even a little dumb-fun. Instead, it’s a lifeless, poorly written slog with almost no action, terrible pacing, and a lead performance that feels completely lost. And yeah, I hate to say it, but Weaving just… can’t carry it. Her delivery is flat, her emotional segments don’t land, and she’s given zero to work with, just clichéd lines and a character with no arc. The film pretends to be tense, like some gritty chase thriller, but nothing happens for long stretches. The tension never builds, the stakes never feel real, and the few action scenes are underlit, badly choreographed, and over before they start. It’s not stylish, not clever, not even so bad it’s good. It’s just… bad. Like a straight-to-VOD film that somehow scraped together enough cash for a minor theatrical whisper. I don’t know who greenlit this, but it’s a waste of time, budget, and talent. Avoid unless you’re trapped on a plane with nothing else.

Rating: ★½ | Year: 2025 | Watched: 2025-09-08

View on Letterboxd →

Where to watch (UK)

Stream: Disney Plus
Physical: Amazon UK

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